Convoy of Hope.

Yesterday, a number of us went into Philly to volunteer with Convoy of Hope/Hope4Philly. I've personally worked with Convoy of Hope twice before and love it. I worked with kids in...somewhere in Jersey. I can't remember where. I also lead pony rides in Camden, New Jersey. Each time was a totally different experience but, generally lead to the same outcome: I didn't gain anything...learn anything. In my defense though, I was still a baby Christian and my main goal was to go with my friends and have fun. I understood Christ was the underlying theme throughout the day but, it didn't mean anything to me. I got to play with ponies - I was happy.

Yesterday was different, though. Actually, I didn't want to go at first.

I haven't been sleeping well...so waking up at six was definitely not a happy thing for me. I seriously considered calling in sick and sleeping for the rest of the day. For the next half hour, I argued with myself about why I should go. Basically it came down to the fact that I was obligated to go and I didn't have a choice - not a great mindset. I was tired. I had no coffee. And I up before sunrise doing something I didn't have the desire to do. Happy? Nah.

We got into Philly, though, and things started to change. I began to look around and saw the people wandering the streets and immediately God started breaking my heart for them. When we all finally convened at the church, it was hard not to mirror the excitement that everyone else was displaying. I hadn't previously signed up to work in any specific area. [Actually, I hadn't attended any of the chapels that Missions Committee recommended.] My prayer was simple: "God, I don't care what I do today. Please place me wherever You need me to be." The different areas were being addressed, but I found myself being drawn to grocery distribution. When that was called, I jumped up and joined the ranks.

A small group of us out of Groceries volunteered to go hand out fliers for the event. I don't normally have a problem talking to strangers, but its usually in a group setting talking about something that we all have in common. Its different when you have to approach people, many of them breaking your comfort level, to talk to them about, what many consider to be, a taboo topic. I had to get over myself, though. I knew that what we [the entire Convoy of Hope team] were doing had the potential to be life changing - we had to tell people about it. So...we did. After splitting the group up [so we didn't look so intimidating] we seriously took a two-mile hike around the city. At first, I was a bit hesitant to talk to people...mainly because I was near the back of our group and the couple up front grabbed almost everyone that walked near us. After I spoke with one guy, though, not only did it get incredibly easier but I wanted to talk with them. With every person that I saw, the burden that I felt got heavier and heavier. I was truly excited and humbled to speak with everyone that I dd. A couple things wrecked my heart, though, that I didn't realize until we were walking back to the church: we went into a good handful of shops. When we went in, though...all of us did. None of us went back outside to talk to those who were passing by. We had the opportunity to invite them to be a part of something much bigger than they imagined it to be - and we let it slip through our fingers. I don't think that I can adequately express how upset I was [am] with myself for letting that happen. The other instance happened with a friend, not that I hold her at fault. I don't. We had crossed the street after talking with a group of people and were waiting for our other group to catch up. She pointed out a man and said [something to the effect of], "Wait. I think he wanted to talk to us. He kept looking at us while we were talking to the other people." He looked over to our group and kept walking. She looked at me and said, "I want to run after him. I feel like I should." I told her to do it. She stayed. I really regret not offering to run with her. That could have made the difference. I can't but think that we could have helped him. We prayed that he'd find his was down to the outreach...but we could have done more.

We got back to the site and got our station put together. Since we were the last stop on the way out, we weren't tremendously busy yet. Some groceries were handed out but, there wasn't a lot going on. I honestly feel that we had more volunteers than what we needed. A lot of us were just sitting around doing nothing. I was getting a headache and starting feeling a bit useless, like I was wasting my time being there. When it came time to take a "break", I wandered around the site to check out what else was going on. Any feelings of uselessness were eradicated almost immediately. God was really using us, not only to help meet the spiritual needs of the community but also the physical needs: blood pressure screenings, HIV tests, live entertainment, food, fun stuff for kids, help center information, family portraits. It was overwhelming. No shame - I had to wipe away a few tears. I made my way back to the grocery tent with a newfound attitude. It had picked up a little bit, but not by much. There were already some volunteers handing out bags, so I decided to hang out. This one guy, Albert, passed by with his lady friend, Iris. I looked him in the eyes, told him that I was happy that he came out, and wished him and Iris a great day. He stopped, looked back at me, and shook my hand. We started talking. He asked me how I started going to church and why I believe what I believe. We had a great conversation. He told me that he was once an altar boy and a devout Catholic, but had fallen away from the faith. Albert was very curious about "the Christian church". He was very afraid to attend services, though. He had been taught that if he turned form the Catholic faith to a different one, he'd be damned. We talked, a bit more intelligently, about our faith - the similarities, the differences, doctrine, why things happen. The end result? Both Albert and Iris promised to check out "the Christian church" before forming any solid opinions.

As if all that weren't enough - God totally solidified my call to New Orleans. I know that there are 1,300 miles between the two cities...but I couldn't get it off of my mind or out of my heart [not like I wanted to]. The hike through Philly, reaching out to people, seeing God work...it totally opened my eyes. It was almost as if God smacked me and reminded me why I'm doing this - why I'm going to school, why I'm working so hard, why I can't give up fighting. Its more than being behind a pulpit once or twice a week. Its about meeting people where they are. Its about showing them authentic faith, hope, and love. Without even being to New Orleans once, I've fallen in love with the people there already. They have my heart. They break my heart. But I wouldn't have it any other way.